Wow, haven't been here for a while.
Don't worry guys I haven't fallen off the band-wagon, I'm still seeking God and walking in his will- as barren and as bleak as it feels, but I'm still here.
When I left Spain I felt like everything was going to come together for me really quickly I was excited and I had a few bucks in the bank, it was like I was taking the first step into my life and I was ready to take it by the reins.
I could almost see my self climbing into a big red old convertible looking over an endless expanse of desert with a here I come world attitude. I had my big sunglasses, my cool high heels and the credits on my movie in Spain were about to roll. Every one left the theater feeling good and talking about how the journey to that scene was.
Now that I'm home I'm realizing the reality of that scene. I climbed into an old car with engine trouble with hardly any money for gas, and now I'm stuck in a hot desert with no rescue. Or so it seems.
I feel lost, out of touch and I'm not sure why.
I've been reaching out to all my new friends, I've been reaching out to old friends and there just isn't any response.
Now don't get me wrong, I haven't been completely shut off I've talked to some people but every has their own stuff going on. It's hard to keep in contact. But it still doesn't end the loneliness.
Then there is the dream, the big picture I've got the map, I've got the image of it, but right now the two just don't add up.
The money isn't there, so I can't take the tests, apply for the schools or even print the information.
I'm stressed, I'm alone and I'm pissed off about it.
This is just a big rant I know, but I need to get it out. I need it to be some where I can look back and say, "hey this next trial is hard but look where I came from then. It got better." And as much as I need to say 'it got better' I need it to get better. Fast.
I need a job.
I need a car.
I need money.
I need companionship.
I need to start school.
I need to start my 501c3.
I need to stop feeling sorry for my self and start moving forward again, get the tears out of my eyes and get the glint that says I can do this back in them.
