Gardening, among other things

My parents have been pastoring a church out of their hope for the past eight years. It's a great place and I've really grown in this environment where every one has something to say. Where we've all been activated to speak and prophesy because we've all seen the loving heart of God.
On occasion my parents have asked me to speak while they were out of town but I've always been nervous and haven't really known what to say.
Tonight I'll be leading the 'service' and well I think this time I'm prepared.
Thanks to an early start at work I've had some time with God, just me him and the espresso machine. It's really given me some time to think about everything he's been laying on my heart and just let him know how thankful I am for the opportunities he's given me lately.
So I wanted to share a bit what God and I were talking about this morning.

Am I a gardener, or a garden?
At different times in peoples lives they are gardens, being worked on, worked in, and often worked out.
But also the Bible tells us Jesus is the gardener in our lives, the bible also tells us we are co-heirs with Christ and are to share in his laboring (IE be Jesus to every one we meet). So this left me with the question, When do I get to be the gardener?
When do I stop being constantly worked on and start showing others the potential they have?
Paul tells us in Corinthians that salvation is a continual work in us and that we must die daily to the human things. The things that make us separate gardeners from gardens.
And in that adamic human nature I asked: "When do I stop dyeing and when do I get to live again?"

I remember in Spain one of my teachers Andrew Shearman often said that we should be pouring into at least 2 people.
That is two people you are "mentoring", teaching and equipping to be all that God has called them to be.
It doesn't have to be a formal teaching, mentoring thing just hanging out and showing them Christ in a real world environment and being there when they need you.
For a parent this one is covered, two kids or more and your doing this mentoring thing, you got it down. lol
But for a single girl who often feels she is being poured into rather than pouring into others it's often hard to draw that mental line of being a proverbial gardener and a proverbial garden.
In my heart it's an easy answer. "I am both!"
But my head is another story. My mind has a hard time wrapping around being both a vessel and a pitcher. It seems impossible for my brain to comprehend that I'm being poured into while I pour out.
I'm trying to connect the two but often it's my brain that calls the shots and my heart takes the back seat.

While mulling this over another statement Andrew would often quote came to mind. "Ice cold brain, Red hot heart."
This means we should think things through while living crazy passionate.
Often I feel I've mastered this concept- only I haven't connected the icy brain and the burning heart.
My heart screams out the mysteries of God while my brain just struggles to remember who I really am.
I suppose this part of the asnwer to my original question; When do I stop being the gardener and start being the garden?
When I learn and truly KNOW in both my heart AND my mind that I am both.

Only problem is, this concept is easier said than done.

Shoot for the Moon...

So it's time to be painfully honest- again.
I'm my own worst enemy.
I've taken all the big moments in my life that have screamed YES to the will of God and shut them down in two words "I'm waiting".
Tonight God asked me; "Waiting on what?"
It seems that this is a lesson I have to continually learn. God didn't create in me a spirit of lack, but of more than I could ever want!!

My whole life I've had big, crazy, abnormal, out of this world dreams and I've lived in a fairy land of these dreams with just me and God. When I went to Spain I shared a lot of these dreams for the first time, and saw them come to life in me for the first time so that other people could see what I was seeing- or I tried to get them to see what I was seeing.
But for some stupid reason when I got home life took it's toll.
I woke up for the first time in my life and realized these big, crazy dreams I'd been living with weren't so apparent to every one else.
I heard; "What are you going to do with your life"
And when I told people my big crazy dreams they responded with: "How are you going to pay the bills?"
So I began to wonder, How am I going to pay the bills?
And the quest for a job became more than just a way to meet my needs but an obsession to survive in this ever worsening economy.
Soon I began to hear "When are you going to school?"
And when I told them I heard "But what if that doesn't work out?"
And I began to panic, what if it doesn't work out? What if I'm not smart enough, not dedicated enough, not this that and the other enough?
For five months I let myself unravel everything that God had built in me for 20 years.
This past week though God began opening doors. Taking little steps very quickly to prove he was working this out his way.

Last month I had two jobs in one week hire out from under me.
But in one week I've had two stores hire me this month.
First it was subway, which isn't my ideal job, but hey it's money and they begged me to work for them.
Then I got a weekend break and went to an art show where I saw my talents recognized for the first time in my life! THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE PEOPLE WANTED MY ART!
When I got home I saw my schedule for Subway, 4 hours, they can only promise me 4 hours a week.
So today when I was taking my sister to work, God provided another job, a coffee shop wants me to come and work for them. The owner wants my ideas, and my talents, he wants my world view and my laid back attitude.

I can see God is speaking to me so much, he's telling me it's okay to dream big again. That life should deflate the big dreams he's given me. I live in his world, a world of big, crazy dreams and if people don't like the answers, they can take it up with him.
As I've said before, I'm living his plan now, so I don't have to worry about what others think.
I'm striving forward, I'm going to reach my dreams, and I'm going to gain great things.
To tell you the truth, the real world sucked, I'd much rather live in the dreams that God has given me.

So I Did This Art SHow

Last night my sister Morgan and I drove up to Berry College in Rome GA for their yearly art show. This was my first year at their show and my first time ever showing by myself.
I had multiple 8x10 prints, Note Cards, 3x8 Prints/Book Marks and 6 original paintings.
To tell the truth I was very nervous and afraid that I may have brought to much.
The night before Morgan , our friend Amanda along with her friend Dan and my self all went out to dinner, it was great to see Amanda after so long and it really took my mind off the nervousness to be able to just chat for a while.
Afterwards we went to Berry's coffee house and listened to some live music and then back up to Amanda's dorm to fold all the note cards and put them in their shrink wrap.

The nerves didn't set in again until the next morning when I was walking to the Moon Lawn to set up.
I felt so inadequate and I was worried I wasn't going to sell anything.
The morning went on and I hadn't sold anything, a bit depressed; I sat and I sat and I sat.
It was 42 degrees Fahrenheit (which is about 6 degrees Celsius) and as 11am rolled around I couldn't feel my hands or my feet from the cold.
But that's when things started to pick up, a young man came by and wanted to know about the Romania in Red painting, He just fell in love with it, and couldn't stop holding it. When I told him the price he beamed and said "I'll be back, I need to go to an ATM" excitedly he set the painting down and ran towards his car.
Next a couple came by and she wasn't very interested in my art, and he was bored with the jewelry she was looking at. All of a sudden something on my table caught his eye, he picked up the 'Fire in my Soul' painting and commented on the muscle tone actually being accurate. I was so pleased, he quickly bought the painting and showed it to his girlfriend, she stood there mouth agape and then said to me.
"How did you do that? He hates art!" I laughed as he explained he was just picky, but my stuff really spoke to him. He took one of my cards and said he'd keep an eye out for more paintings.
After that things got kind of quiet for a while, I did a quick sketch of a little boy who was enthralled with my art and kept asking if I was a real comic book artist. I told him I was planning on being one and he said. "Can you please make something I can read, I really like your pictures."
It was really one of the best compliments I've ever received.
Shortly after that one of the girls that attends Berry stopped by and also fell in love with the "Romania in Red" painting, though she said she couldn't afford the original she bought a print of it.
About noon Morgan and Amanda returned from buying me a hat and some gloves and getting our lunches. I by this time had to go to the car and sit with the heater on to eat. I couldn't move my fingers and toes and forming R's M's and most words that involved moving your lips. (Which was a big deal because 2 of my paintings were themed off of Romania)
After regaining my humanity and thawing out my blood I returned to the table to see none other the young man from that morning. He was standing money in hand to buy my painting, he was so excited he could barely wait for me to wrap up the painting, but he wanted to make sure it was wrapped so he could protect the paint.
After that it was dead for a while, a lot of people took my business cards.
I sold a few other pieces and I was extremely happy to be able to sell them.

Probably two of my highlight customers of the day though were two older ladies who stopped by the table right before I tore down.
They were so giddy over my art and were quite impressed.
They bought one of my Haa-Chan pictures and likened me to Erte.
They were very fun to chat with and they loved all my work.
Both of them talked about commissioning me for Christmas cards this year which I think will be really fun if it happens.

So I sold a grand total of $109 worth of art, which was very impressive for me who was afraid I wouldn't make anything. After deducting my expenses it came to $85 in profit. I think that was a good turn around.