This year I have felt this become an issue pressing on the majority of women I know's minds and hearts. The issue lies not with dating, and it doesn't lie with marriage it lies with pursuit.
All of our lives girls are taught to sit in our towers and wait for prince charming to come and sweep us off of our feet. It starts as a kid with the fairy tails;
-Cinderella, locked away as a maid until the prince finds her and returns her shoe.
-Sleeping Beauty, pricks her finger and falls asleep until prince charming finds her and kisses her awake.
-Snow White, dies due to bad choices in diet and will not wake up until prince charming gives her true loves first kiss.
-Rapunzel trapped in a tower because of her parent's choices in stealing must wait until Prince Charming comes along and pulls her hair out of a window.
I could go on and on with this list, but I'll refrain.
So the fact is girls grow up thinking that our entire lives should be spent waiting on a man to come and rescue us from our bad choices, stupid decisions or mundane existence.
We then graduate from waiting on prince charming to waiting on 'the one' which is another thinly veiled pseudonym for prince charming.
The One is a real life guy who is a little more realistic than prince charming, but not quite as well liked or unlikely to come. He's a guy with a dream to make something of himself and he's gonna do that while treating you to camomile foot baths and candies!
But you just have to wait for him to come along
From the one you graduate to Mr. Right, and boy he's a real charmer. He's nice, he's sweet, he's got a job and a car and he's probably a christian, I mean he goes to church with you right?
Mr. Right is the guy dating books are written about, he's not the guy that makes you swoon but he's a real guy y'know. He watches football and likes fishing and he's not really looking to much further than that pay raise where he's going to buy that ring for you.
But- and you probably guessed it by now: You have to have to wait for him.
From Mr. Right you graduate to Mr. Right Now. Who is well, just a guy, who you settle on, because he walked through the grocery store parking lot to ask you out for his friend. He's not who you thought you'd end up with, but he's a guy, and he's moving and well at this point that's good enough for you because you've waited "like for ever!"
I'm not saying that the average joe has nothing going for him, but what I am saying is why is it that we keep making girls wait and no great guy ever comes? I know most girls end up with nice men, but what happened to the Kings and princes we were all promised for the majority of our lives?
This question caused the wheels in my head to turn, and the curious side of me to ask questions.
The question: "If there are there so many Christian men and women who want to get married, why are none of them each other's type?" has come up a lot, and I can only think of one answer.
We crippled Prince Charming.
How do we expect Prince Charming to come charging up a flight of stairs to kiss us awake, or return our shoe, or climb our hair when we told him he's not allowed to do any of those things?
We wait and wait and wait but Prince charming is laying in a ditch wondering why he won't ever get married and why his mentors all cut his legs off.
We told him he can't go looking for love, because he might think about sex if he finds it. And frankly I think we all know, that's of the devil.
We tell girls to wait (as I a girl I hear that A LOT) but what I've realized guys hear just as much as "wait" is the word "Don't".
"Don't hold her hand" "Don't kiss her with out asking her" "Don't ask her out with out permission from every man who has authority in her life" "Don't this" "Don't that".
If I were a guy I'd give up by now!
Prince Charming is supposed to grow up and become a king, but nothing grows when it's stifled all the time.
You see the common misconception is that you go from a disney prince to a really old fat king, and we've forgotten to tell boys about middle stage. The really fun warrior king stage where you get to rescue damsels and fight dragons and you never have to ask permission of any one because "don't" is not something you tell a king!
Merlin never told Arthur "don't", Aslan never told Peter "don't", they told them to go make adventures for themselves, go out and win the prize.
As a Christian community we forgot to teach boys how to pursue the prize, and how to become men that attain goals.
We've made pursuit a buzz word and we've never told any body what it actually means.
- Pursuit is not hanging out where I work and asking me out on your third visit to our shop.
- Pursuit is finding out what my favorite movie is and taking me to see it when it returns to theaters.
- Pursuit is not honoring our relationship by praying for me
- Pursuit is prophesying to me despite our relationship because you know God has a destiny for me and for you and you want those destinies to be one.
- Pursuit is not asking me to dinner out
- Pursuit is grabbing me up and telling me you're going to take me to dinner and show me the best time of my life.
Do you see the difference?
If you want a chase give me something to keep pace to.
I could out run a guy who wants to pray for me, but it's pretty hard to out run Elijah trying to prophesy to me in a chariot of fire.
But guess which guy I want? The one who captures my heart, not catches me off guard while I'm ready to settle.
So in closing I guess this rant is to say:
Dear Prince Charming,
I give you permission to chase me, with all your might.
I give you permission to kiss me, to take me out and to just generally assault me with your charm.
Most importantly Prince charming, I'm not waiting in my tower any more, so don't come looking for me there. I'm playing Xena Warrior Princess, and it's going to be hard for you to catch me while your carrying a glass shoe, so I give you permission to become a warrior King.
Love,
Me
