The last few months have been some of the hardest that I’ve
ever had to go through. It honestly has felt like treading water in the ocean
with no land in sight. I’m thankful that I’ve had an amazing support team in my
family and friends but when I get home at night it’s just me and God who have
deal with my internal struggles.
At one of my lowest days I was at work and instead of my
usual play list of acoustic feel good jams and racy Latin music I switched over
to a round table discussion of the Bible, current events, and other things that
Christians talk about. The leader of this discussion was a pastor who has
poured into my family often and I trusted what he had to say on a lot of what
was talked about. Many of the members of his forum I had known as well, some
very well, but most just in passing. I didn’t know their stories or their
hardships. But I was hungry for something God was saying. After all, he and I
were arguing, and like any good relationship weren’t speaking, perhaps he could
use another mouthpiece.
Most of the 20-minute YouTube discussions were uplifting,
and they strengthened my faith. But there was something said in one segment
that lifted my head from my bad mood.
“I won’t let go of this situation until it has blessed me.”
(Gen. 32: 22-31)
In Genesis Jacob is given a new identity, many times people
confuse this identity with that of Abraham. They assume Israel is the father of
many nations. Which he was the father of a Nation but that was not why he was
given a new name. The fact that he had two wives, two concubines and half a
million kids is why he’s the father of a nation. The reason he is called Israel
is because he had fought against strife and prevailed.
When you read Genesis 32 it’s hard to see why he prevailed,
he was running from his brother, his father in-law hated him so much he kicked
the entire family off of his land; including his two daughters and 11 grand
children. Even when he literally fought with God his hip was displaced and he
walked crooked, which would seriously debilitate a nomadic person like Jacob.
Why Jacob was considered to have prevailed in this fight was something he said
to God at this time.
“I will not let go unless you bless me.” Much like the woman
with the issue of blood Jacob saw the face of God and knew that only he could
change his circumstances. Jacob was in a place where everything in his life was
set up to do him harm. Even God came out of nowhere and beat the crap out of him.
But he saw something in the face of God and he knew that his circumstances did
not define him.
For me I have to believe that my situations and my
circumstances are in my life because I am to be blessed by them. I am not in
them to be punished but I am in them because they prepare me for greatness.
I will not let go of this hardship until it is bursting at
the seams with blessings. Until every dollar I don’t have today becomes one
hundred dollars. Until every dream that isn’t fulfilled becomes a reality over
flowing fulfillment and runs over onto every one I meet. I am not letting go
until this circumstance cannot physically contain me because I have been
blessed so much that it is intellectually impossible for me to have come from
that circumstance to this outcome.
I have seen the face of God and my life has been
delivered.
