Recently I met with a financial planner, and got the shock of my life time- I felt guilty for being 'responsible' for my future.
To start out with I'd like to say that I was not raised around poverty, ill managed money or any lack in my life. As a kid I always had the newest toys, the nicest clothes and a roof over my head, but I knew for a fact that my parents didn't have a lot of cash. How did I know this, I was raised in the ministry. I knew that they were being paid in less dollar bills than a stripper, but a few more pennies than a homeless person. But you see God doesn't want his spokesmen looking like trash, so he always provided us with everything we needed, wanted, and well just plain thought was cool.
So as you may well have guessed when you live every day by the blessings of God there isn't a whole lot left over to save or plan with. So I never got to much of a chance to see what a Roth IRA looked like, or knew who to ask about getting a 401k.
Now as a 'legitimate adult' in the business world I have colleagues that do that, they answer these questions and they genuinely want to help out. So I met one of these colleagues a few weeks ago for coffee and we got the chance to talk. We had a great conversation and I'm proud to say I'm not saving for my future, be that retirement or taking off and traveling the world, but either way I'm saving towards my future. Saving seems smart, 'normal' folk with 'normal' jobs all save in some way or another. Their jobs some times save for them, and some times they save for themselves. But I didn't grow up in a culture of 'normal' people. I grew up in the ministry, where if you weren't about to give up before God showed up you obviously didn't have much faith. So while at first I left this coffee meeting feeling quite proud of my self soon a deep bout of guilt set it.
I anguished over the ideas of 'should I really be doing this' and 'am I not trusting God'. I was worried about what I'd tell my friends in ministry who were living on support, others who were working while they did their best to get sent out to the country that pulled most on their heart strings.
I can't even begin to tell you how stupid I felt when I broke down crying because I was so torn up about saving money!
But then it struck me, like a slap to the back of the head and I heard God say to me. "Did I tell you not to save?" Quickly I began to prepare my rebuttal about how I must not be trusting him enough but he got the next word in first. "I called you to live a life of plenty, of wisdom and of comfort. Why are you worried what I tell other people to do? I'm working this out for you."
It shocked me. God wanted me to save money!? GOD. Wanted. Me. To. Save. Money.
Well that seemed stupid and backward. But then it didn't. God tells us over and over again in his word that he lays up his wealth for the righteous and the wise, he wants to give to those with giving hearts and he wants to use the riches of many to help many. God wants me to save money, to accumulate wealth because he wants me to pick up the bill on some one else's dinner.
So Yes I'm still crazy according to most folks, and I guess I'm just getting crazier to my vagabond missionary friends but I'm learning something. I'm not crazy to God. He made me with the nature I have to build a kingdom that only he could have supported. He wants me to say "Hey look, I didn't have a college education, and I didn't have mom and dad to fund me, but I've got it in the bank because I listened to God." and then write a cheque to whom ever he places on my heart.
God is a giving guy, he likes to take out the whole family and pick up the tab. He LOVES it when he can extend his hand through his children and make things work for other people. My thing is finding balance in what God has called me to do, go out and not be normal, but some times take some normal steps to get there.
I feel like the idea of judgement and fear hang to heavily over us today to make 'right choices' and the pressure is coming from more than just the traditional word we as Christians have so long tried to escape. The church and the body of Christ is judging it's self harshly too. We get so wrapped up in how 'She saves money' or 'He attends a cell group' or 'They're not speaking in tongues enough'. I've found that in the most resent of months I feel more judged by Christians than I do by any one else I meet. What caused this unsatisfied cancer to grow in us? We serve a God that wants to give us the desires of our hearts, he wants to pour out his Kingdom on us through us and with us on the earth but we can't even get passed each other to see the Glory that is dripping off of our brothers and sisters any more.
I am ashamed to have felt guilty about telling other Christians about saving money. Why should I have to answer tho them when God himself gave me the green light.
Have we stopped recently to examine our selves? (even in stupid little things like my money) We only see through our little molds of what God has revealed to us, and instead of breaking the windows and letting his light shine in further we judge those we see through our peep holes.
My challenge to any one reading this is to look at your self and ask "what mold am I holding others accountable to?"
Is it that they are not enough of something?
Is it that they are too much of something?
If the answer isn't dripping in love of God I'd encourage you to seek a little love and to bite your tongue next time some one you don't agree with comes into your path. Judgement is what will judge the body of Christ.
God wants so badly to love us that he'll let us have our way, as C.S. Lewis has so tactfully said so many times. But God's judgment is always for us, his judgment is always uplifting us and telling us how close we are to the mark and how we are going to get there. If your frame of focus is on how different some one is than you, and how that makes them wrong then it may be time to try a different approach.
In closing I want to say God loves you, whether your saving money, not saving money, speaking in tongues, not speaking in tongues, healing the sick or working a 9-5. God. Loves. You.
I promise from now on when I see you that I'll look at you and try only to see the good, I'll look at you and say "Wow, He/She's got something about him/her that can only be God." And that's the only judgement I'll put on you.
